Slowpoke and Snorlax Go on a Date
by Chamsey DuCock
Summary: At the start of a blossoming relationship, our couple runs into trouble. Can they save their first date from a terrible thing that happens? And will they ever be the same again?


"So," said Slowpoke, "do you enjoy classic movies?"

Snorlax said that he enjoyed the second Godfather film more than the first one, and then fell asleep.

"But the third one was shit," Slowpoke said.

"Zzzzzz," said Snorlax. Slowpoke decided to take this opportunity to slip a little something into Snorlax's drink. It was Viagra.

"Come on now, Snorlax, wake up, time for your drink," he said cheerfully as Snorlax grunted and sniffed the drink.

"Smells good," he said, and took a sip. Suddenly Slowpoke's psychic link alerted him. His father, Slowking, wanted to speak with him.

"I'll be back in a moment," he said, walking past Ash, who was working as a waiter in the bar they were at. "Hello, dad," he said.

"Son," came the reply, "I knew about your date with Snorlax today and thought you might have a bit of trouble with Snorlax's appendage…"

"Yeah, he's falling asleep. It's not great, so I…"

"I thought so, so I put a little something in Snorlax's drink to 'keep him up', in more senses than one. Easy to do with access to telekinesis…"

"What? But I did that too!"

"Really? Damn, how isn't he exploding?"

"He may not have drunk it yet!"

"Then you still have time to stop him. Quick!"

Slowpoke raced into the room only to almost bump into Ash. "We've got to talk," Ash said.

"There's no time!" Slowpoke hissed. "Snorlax is about to drink his drink and then terrible things will happen."

"That's what I was going to tell you about," Ash said, smiling, "I added a little something to Snorlax's drink to get your date going, as it were."

"But that's what I did too! And my dad! I was just going to stop him drinking it."

"Hold on, you guys did that too?" said Brock, stepping out from behind the bar.

"Oh no!" they all cried in unison. As one they turned to look at the table in front of Snorlax. The glass was empty and Snorlax was licking his lips. "Here we go!" They all cried, and ducked under the table.

BOOM!

The force of the extending phallus burst through the roof of the bar, raining plaster down on everyone. It continued up, like the ladder of a fire engine, until it had risen several hundred metres above the bar. All three rushed outside to behold the magnificent spectacle.

"Oh, good grief!" cried Slowpoke, "Whatever is that mooing noise?"

"You've picked up our cow!" said Brock angrily. Indeed, there was a large cow perched on the end of Snorlax's member.

"What was a cow doing on the roof of your bar?" said Slowpoke.

"Never mind that!" said Brock, "Somebody call the fire brigade!"

Just then they heard a soft moaning coming from inside the bar. "Oh no!" shouted Ash, "He's woken up! And he's enjoying it!"

Slowpoke started to run back in when Brock stopped him. "We mustn't tell the fire brigade about the Viagra," he said. "We could get arrested for spiking his drink."

"Well, what do we tell them it is then?"

"Hmm…I know! A modern art installation. A towering obelisk from our building."

"That'll work," said Ash as he dialled the emergency services.

Slowpoke sighed when he saw Snorlax sat in his chair. He had to somehow turn him off. Deciding on Diglet as the least erotic Pokemon of all he began chanting 'Diglet, Diglet' to Snorlax whilst hurling cold water over him. This had the unfortunate effect of just making Snorlax more excited.

Ash and Brock heard sirens as a group of firemen approached them. "So what seems to be the problem?" one of them said.

"Our cow seems to be stuck at the top of our modern art installation," Ash told him.

The fireman blinked. "How?"

"We don't know. It just sort of…happened."

"And who erected this art installation?" said the fireman, moving towards the entrance.

"You can't come in here," said Slowpoke, emerging from inside the bar and slamming it shut to conceal Snorlax. "It's absolute chaos."

"We need to go in!" shouted the firemen, and they barged past Slowpoke into the bar, now empty apart from one extremely aroused Snorlax. "What on earth is that thing?"

Slowpoke came back into the bar. "It's, um…part of the installation."

"A Snorlax with a huge…appendage?"

"Um, yes. It's modern."

The fireman frowned at Slowpoke and then leaned in to poke it. Before Slowpoke could protest, it was too late. Snorlax convulsed in a moaning of sheer ecstasy. Outside, Ash and Brock watched as the phallus began to shake visibly. They looked at each other, then back to the towering member. As Snorlax was driven to climax, the cow was flung from the foreskin by an eruption of dark blue liquid emission, exploding volcano-like above them all. The substance rained down like a meteor shower. They were glad the bar was on a hill and not on a valley; otherwise they would have been drowned in it by now. They watched with mouths agape as the cow disappeared into the heavens above them.

"You artistic types are too weird. I'm not getting paid nearly enough to deal with this sort of thing," the fireman cried as in bemused horror, wiping the blue seed from his eyes. "I'm getting the hell out of here." And with these words he ran back towards the fire engine.

"What about the cow?" shouted Slowpoke.

"Fuck the cow. It's not up that obelisk anymore, so it's not my problem!" The fireman set the windscreen wipers moving to remove the blue ichor covering his windscreen and drove away.

After a few uneventful hours playing cards in the bar, Slowpoke, Ash and Brock noticed that the mighty phallus seemed to be receding, as was the thick, blue rain that had been falling the whole time. As the sun finally pierced the sanguine clouds and shone on the trio through the gaping hole in the roof, Snorlax's penis finally returned to its normal size, and the great behemoth, unawakened throughout these events, smiled and blinked. "I've been napping. Did I miss anything?" he rumbled.

"Oh, nothing," the Slowpoke said. "We had an enjoyable date though."

"Excellent," Snorlax said and went back to sleep.

Brock switched the TV, where a news report was showing footage of a cow mysteriously falling from the sky onto a poor fisherman in Venezuela.

Brock looked around. "I think I'm going to have to redecorate."

THE END


End file.
